We all have conflict in our lives. It’s part of what we signed up for, whether we’re conscious of it or not.
Why would we sign up for conflict? It’s a pathway to grow as a person. When life is a smooth ride, we might enjoy ourselves, but through conflict we learn more about who we are, how we react, and what subconscious programs might be running underneath the calm surface we project to the world.
Do you have one person in your life who pushes all your buttons? The person who maybe you fantasized about sending off to a desert island somewhere… forever?
I’ll tell you a secret about that person. S/he’s doing you a favor. Yup, that’s right. The person with all those annoying ways about them, who makes you so mad? The person who is the most critical of you? They are holding up a mirror to the parts of yourself that you hide away from everyone – even from yourself.
The only way to get past such conflicts is to journey through them. That means taking those awful feelings you have about yourself and the other person and converting them into spiritual capital.
A client came to me feeling awful. She was trying to work through a conflict with her sister, who turned on her and called her all sorts of ugly names.
We took all of those names, and worked through a cutting edge process called Burning truth therapy. Burning truth focuses on those little “truths” – the ones that we’ve been keeping at arm’s length about parts of our personalities we’d rather not face. By facing down and accepting those scary names and ideas that her sister had mirrored to her, my client was able to burn away the emotional baggage that had been holding those programs in place.
In other words, once we come to accept that we might be mean, hurtful, judgmental, etc, those qualities cease to have a hold over us. Having faced down our worst fears about who we are – and trust me, those qualities have nothing to do with who you Truly are, just who you have toyed with being while playing small – we are free to release them and step into a bigger, kinder role.
My client had spent so much time being afraid of owning those truths about who she had been that they literally owned her. She had no control over when they showed up because she wasn’t conscious of their home inside of her.
Once she got conscious about what little personality parts were playing inside her, she was able to release them and the drama that came with them.
Today, she is empowered with a clearer, cleaner sense of who she is. Whether or not she works things out with her sister, she is no longer confused about who she is or why the conflict arose. In fact, she sees it as one of the greatest gifts in her life. Now that’s incredible.